What it truly means?!?!

Since the week before Thanksgiving I've been struggling with 'What is Right', 'What is Complex', and 'What I Want'. The want is actually simple...I merely want to make it to Christmas Day without having to go into the hospital. The complex falls into the juggling my schedule and responsibilities, which I have not lessened since my last visit to the doctors. But the last of the three is the shadiest, the 'What is Right'. You see, this simple 3 word statement falls into the heated arguments of my soul. This has been the greatest of all three struggles and I'm on my last leg of not fully understanding it, so my literal explanation will help me clear that up.

It is not my place to say what is right for any person other than myself. I know this. My mind, honestly, Knows this. But my HEART, well, My heart has another tale to tell. It doesn't really tell either, it Yells, Screams, and pleas with all the obstacles that cause it pain. Exasperated with all the family crap the holidays bring, I just have to say: sit down and THINK!

A little melodramatic? well, just a little I suppose, but if you could only see the tears my heart bleeds from it all. Because It is Right to be with your family. It is right to pick up the phone and suck up your pride for one God Damn Time in your life...especially during the holidays. It is RIGHT to acknowledge when you have done something wrong, been stubborn, Ignorant, and even Childish. It is right to look at the bigger picture and For Once in your entire existence realize that you are not the only one in a huge group of people with troubles and let downs. It is right to FORGIVE when someone repents their mistakes, and acknowledges when they've done something wrong...and More so, to actually Admit to making a mistake. It is Right to be the Bigger person and compromise when a solution can't be made.

Absence does Not make the heart grow fonder...it leaves the remains of a tainted bruise which will linger a hurt every minute of everyday. And I'm not talking about one of those aches that come and goes. No, it's the kind that follows you everywhere. The kind that smacks you at just the right moment when something triggers a tender memory. Those memories we hold most treasured in our hearts. And then what...It is Right to forgo pride to let forgiveness heal the broken relationship.

Yeah, I would say that the 'What is Right' has been what is keeping me off track and out of the Full Christmas Spirit this year. Here, I am planning everything from car rides to see twinkle-lights, the fun parties, the caroling, tree decorating and warm nights by the fire. All the while waiting for others to do the Right thing.

Waiting leads to disappointment because it is an expectation that the other person will actually meet you half way...and in some cases, even a miracle won't make a mountain move. The lesson 2011 has taught me is that Expectations are nice to have on paper, or in a mental notepad but in reality...you will never be Let Down by anyone if you don't expect anything from them. Cynical? No- not at all....Realistic.

So it all comes down to this:  I end up asking myself...What does it truly mean??

And my answer is Simple - On Christmas Eve, the holiest child was born, to a world filled with people not knowing 'What is Right'.          I know what is Right, because I have not lost track of my faith. I am not Lost because I have treasured Love and Peace from Believing. Christmas isn't about monetary items...It's about Faith, Family, and Friends.